Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Learn to be French in one day

Ever listened to a French Art house film and thought 'I wish I could do that'?  Ever walked through the streets of Paris listening to people and thought 'How do they do that?'.  For too long being French has been thought of as something that you need education for, something that requires rigour, experience and actual learning to achieve.  But no longer.

I am now offering people the chance to learn to be French in a single day.  As part of this course you will
  1. Wear a stripy jumper and put onions around your neck - and you will be French
  2. Shrug and point at things - and you will be French
  3. Refuse to go on with the course and burn a sheep(*) - and you will be French
  4. Use words such as "Bonjour", "Zoot alors" and "Bricolage" - and you will be French
At the end of this one day course you will be a fully fledged French person and understand all the principles behind France and be able to declare yourself French(**).  I firmly believe being French is not just for people who were born there or who have lived there and achieved nationality, its for anyone who pays me money to do basic tasks where I can wrap enough crap around it to convince them they've actually achieved something.

At the end of just one day you will understand what it takes to be Fnrehc, you will realise that being French is something that is actually fundamentally easy and all French people are actually just over complicating it.  There is nothing else that you need to learn to be able to say that you understand what it takes to be French.  YOU will be able to look at the French nation and say 'I know exactly what it takes to be French'.

* additional fee applies
** not legally binding, does not include passport

(in homage to decoded)

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