Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Learn to be a writer in one day

Ever read Shakespeare and thought 'I wish I could do that'?  Ever read Steinbeck, Dickens, Austen, Pratchett or Proust and thought 'How do they do that?'.  For too long literature has been thought of as something that requires rigour, experience and actual talent to achieve.  But no longer.

I am now offering people the chance to learn to be a writer in a single day.  As part of this course you will
  1. Rewrite a paragraph of Dickens in modern English - and it will be Literature
  2. Use Google translate to switch Mollier from French to English - and it will be Literature
  3. Write a short poem on the subject of being a writer - and it will be literature(*)
  4. Cut and paste text from various writers to make a new story - and it will be literature
At the end of this one day course you will be a fully fledged writer and understand all the principles behind literature and be able to declare yourself a writer.  I firmly believe being a writer is not just for people with talent, experience and dedication, its for anyone who pays me money to do basic copy work where I can wrap enough crap around it to convince them they've actually achieved something.

At the end of just one day you will understand what it takes to be a writer, you will realise that being a writer is something that is actually fundamentally easy and all those so called giants of literature were actually just regular people like you.  There is nothing else that you need to learn to be able to say that you understand what it takes to be an artist.  YOU will be able to read Chaucer and say 'I know exactly what it takes to do that.

* additional fee for beret 

(in homage to decoded)

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